PAP-Times: Slowing the Pace (WARNING:PARODY, LANGUAGE ALERTS)

Beginning a new collection: Parodies of Actual Published Letters to the New York Times (PAP-Times)

Pace Needn’t Apologize
Published: March 17, 2007 (AS IT MIGHT HAVE APPEARED IN 1947)
To the Editor:
Re “General Pace and Gay Soldiers” (editorial, March 15):

Gen. Peter Pace, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, owes no one an apology for stating his personal view that NEGRITUDE is an intolerable immoral act. His is a view shared by a large, mostly religious plurality of military personnel and their families.

Lifting the ban on COLORED PEOPLE to serve openly WITH WHITE PEOPLE would alienate that pool of religious conservatives who have demonstrated a proclivity to serve in the volunteer military. There is zero evidence that eliminating the ban would induce avowed NEGROES to flock to the armed forces.

General Pace has good standing to defend the ban from a military effectiveness point of view as well. There is longstanding evidence that soldier performance in combat is based on unit cohesion — trust and confidence — and readiness.

In 1946, the Army’s surgeon general declared SERVING-WHILE-BLACK behavior to be a readiness detractor and further concluded that RACE MIXING tensions in forced intimate situations undermine the unit cohesion necessary for a soldier’s success in combat.

AFTER "Robert L. Maginnis"
Woodbridge, Va., March 15, 1947
The writer, a retired United States Army lieutenant colonel, advised the 1946 TRUMAN Task force that wrote the “don’t ask, don’t tell--JUST STAY ALL WHITE (except in the mess tent and latrines)” policy.

N.B. In the current overheated environment, let me be explicit: this parody is not meant to disparage African Americans or Gays and Lesbians. It is meant to insult Gen. Pace and Lt. Col. Maginnis, to the extent they have not already fatally embarrassed themselves-TWB.