Monday, July 16, 2007

John Edwards Vows To End All Bad Things By 2011

The Onion :
AMES, IA—In an effort to jump-start a presidential campaign that still has not broken into the top Democratic tier, former Sen. John Edwards made his most ambitious policy announcement yet at a campaign event in Iowa Monday: a promise to eliminate all unpleasant, disagreeable, or otherwise bad things from all aspects of American life by the end of his second year in office.

'Many bad things are not just bad—they're terrible,' said a beaming Edwards, whose 'Only the Good Things' proposal builds upon previous efforts to end poverty, outlaw startlingly loud noises, and offer tax breaks to those who smile frequently. ...

"Imagine a world free of procrastination, class disparity, and itchiness," Edwards said. "It will only be possible if we try." ...

Republican front-runner Rudolph Giuliani attacked Edwards Tuesday for labeling things as bad when they may actually turn out to be good in the long run. ..."On a personal note, I rather like cloudy days, and I don't want to live in a world where they don't exist."

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