1. Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, but not necessarily the whole truth, maintaining an overall average of at least 70 percent truth, subject to later verification by an independent panel, so help you God?
2. Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, but in ways that are carefully cloaked in metaphor and allegory, so they require lengthy interpretation, in a Zen sort of way, so help you Buddha?
3. Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, unless in your opinion we are not worthy of it, in which case you shout like Jack Nicholson in that movie, 'The truth? You can't handle the truth!' so help us all?
4. Do you solemnly swear to answer all questions in a semitruthful fashion and not claim things that are totally ridiculous, such as that George Bush actually reads a book every week, so that we all don't have to sit here and feel embarrassed by what you're saying, so help you God?
5. Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, except for when you claim that you can't remember, in which case we promise not to press the issue and later bring forth Tim Russert to testify that you are nothing but a dirty liar?...
And, in memory of Richard Rorty:
6. Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, with the understanding that—hey, who are we kidding here?—there is no real truth, life is an illusion, and let's all get together later and smoke up a doobie, so help you God?
No comments:
Post a Comment